Life isn't get easy as I expect when I was kid.

Hari ni berapa hari bulan? 27 december right? 27 sempena sebulan aku kawan dgn dia. You know, who else selain A. No wishing, no even mention. Call mesej? Lagilah tkde kalau mention kt twitter tkde. Upset? Yes I am. Kecewa to the max. I smile, yes I do smile. But it is just a fake. Aku tk nk umi, angah and kakak or people around me worried about me. So tu je cara aku. Memang terseksa. Sape tk terseksa senyum paksa depan orang. I work as shift, siang aku senyum malam aku nangis. Bangun pagi aku senyum, act like happy. Tapi aku sikit pun tk pernah mean it. Never. Even once. Tapi tk boleh lah juga aku sedih sepanjang masa, yelah, nasib aku, dugaan aku tk seberat orang lain. Umi selalu nasihatkan, jangan sedih sngt, bersykurlah dugaan kita ni tk seberat orang lain. Ada banyak lagi dugaan orang lain lagi berat dari kita, lagi besar tanggungjawab diorg. So I'm here not telling people that I'm too depressed. I'm just need some space and place to talk to. I just need someone to understand me. Like Maira, she does. She's always be. I'm so thankful and so lucky being her good friend. The only one good friend I had. And Fara, diela too. You know, actually aku pun tk ingt tarikh ni. Firstly last night, I tweeting as usual before I go to bed. Using iPhone. Sambil baring-baring, tweet ah. Memang syok, lama lama ngantuk terus tidur. Hihi. So, last night I saw a boy who tweeting about his girl. Awwh, so sweet. I love his tweets. And lastly he said "Already 27. :o one month :')" He tweet like that. And I was like... Oh, first month anniversary. And then I... yes like a shit, baru je perasan baru je realize yang dah masuk 27. Well that time 1 pagi kot. And me, grr terus tengok calendar dkt phone and terus tweet about that. Here I printscreen it.

Yeah, haha. I'm sorry, firstly memang lupa. But then bila fikirkan, no point I'm wishing to people who doesn't care about me at all. There's no whole point. So I don't text him.. and kiteorg pun kan dah tkde pape. So I just let it be. Biarkan tinggl kenangan. Siang tadi, haha. Aku dgr lagu dlm bilik Ayie. And when my tears running down on my cheeks, I lock the door. So people wouldn't notice it. I cry while I'm singing the songs. Mostly, lagu sedih. Haha. Jiwang weh siang tadi. Seriously puas hati. Yeah I mean, aku jerit sekali kot. And harap diorg semua kt bawah fkir aku nyanyi. YESSS they are! Haha. When I ask them, they thought I was singing. Padahal jerit bagai gila kot. Haha. Best! Smpai tkde suara. But then, Maira commented on my photo dlm fb. So phone pun berbunyi ah. Masuk notification. My laptop rosak, so nak online just using iPhone. Then, chatting ngn Maira dkt FB. Pastu skype ngn dia. Hihi, terubat rindu ;) And I'm gonna meet her this thursday. Pergi rumah dia. And maybe kiteorg make up, dress up and then amik gmbr. Hehe. As usual bila jumpa dia mesti amik gmbr and then post on FB :P hehe. Well, nk lupakan problem, dgn dia jelah. She's always make me feel comfortable and mcm... happy bila dgn dia. Seriously she's the best friend I had :') Thank you so much! ;) I couldn't imagine how my life would looks if ... without her. Haih, k yes i'm okay! hehe :)

Can we change the topics? Since I put this picture, I want to talk about my shopping day with my parents. Haha. Okay nmpk tk tu baju sekolah? Yes baju sekolah, tudung sekolah, kain sekolah and kasut sekolah. Yay! I'm sooooooooooooooo excited to start my new life as fifteen on next year. And start my day with smile and happy in this heart. Aww Eyka! You are so sweet. hahaha. What the heck I'm.. ahh, K. It is. Haritu shopping. Eh I mean yesterday. Kan cuti? Abah cuti, so petang tu kiteorg beli barang sekolah. Baju baju ni. Mine, and my brother's things. Kasut sekolah 2, baju dua, tudung dua, and kain pun dua. Stoking je satu. Hihi. Oh, dlm gmbr memang satu je, sbb kasut lagi satu tu tk muat masuk camera ._. haha. Okay. Seriously, I'm ready for school. But I'm not ready in 100% for study hard :O omg, PMR. hahaha. Umi pun risau je. Angah mengelabah and I'm... relax! hehe :B Well I think I should start off now. Start planning about my schedule. Start everything!!!! Start preparing for my big day! :o Gahhh, I'm so nervous campur excited :'D hahaha. Beg skolah tk beli lagi. But I told my dad yang malas nk beli baru. Tapi beg lama tu angah nak bawa gi campus dia. So, me? I should buy a new one :B hehe. But nak beli sendiri ah. Tknk abah belikan. Lebih suka umi or I buy it for myself. Nak beg roxy :B heheh. And buku pun belum beli lagi. Umi plan esok nk beli. Haih, it's the first time beli semua ni in last minute. :p lol. Last year cepat je beli. But for this year.. grr. haha. Stationery pun belum lagi. Maybe besok kot. Yeah maybe. Umi ckp umi tk kisah nk tuisyen kt mana. Biar jauh ke asalkan dpt belajar. Yes!! haha nak tuisyen dgn Maira :) Nak sama mcm diaaaa :B hehe. Baru I excited nk study. And kiteorg pun plan lepas balik sekolah nak pergi library. Studygroup. Yeahhhhhh, I love this feelings. Excited to the max! :) YESSS I AM :D haha. Skrg ni pun jarang update blog. and mesti lepas ni, lepas start sekolah, lagi jarang :( Hm, kena korban kan sikit. Hehe. Anyway, tweet me okay? Pape hal tweet je. FB and blog maybe jarang. Yelah, laptop pun rosak. And tweet selalunya pkai phone je. So pape hal tweet je ah :) Always be there. Hihi. So ya, I gotta go. Dh byk sngt aku membebel kt sini. Byee everyone. Assalamualaikum :) x

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InsyaAllah. :)

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I ask him for meet kt Genting. Tapi dia tk nk. I don't know why. Dia cakap awal lagi. For me, ya Allah ni je peluangnya. Lepas ni dia nak pergi Egypt. Mesti susah nak meet. And time tu aku kena study hard. Mcm mana nak ada peluang keluar? Ni umi dah bagi green light, angah dah sruh ajak. Ape lagi? Haih, tu lah dia tk nk. It's okaylah. Tk nk paksa. Lagipun dia tk nk ikut, aku boleh ajak Greyson Chance, hihi ;p Aku malas nak paksa-paksa. Well ya, aku terasa juga ah dia tk nk ikut. Tapi nk buat mcm mana kan? Aku pun tk suka orang paksa aku, so aku rasa tk elok kalau aku push dia hanya nak kan teman time kt Genting nanti. Angah sruh ikut pun sbb sruh jadi photographer. And kakak bawa bf dia maybe, angah pun. So aku tkde teman. Kalau boleh nak jadikan tu first time meet, haha. mesti best kan? Dapat meet dia. Tapi dia tk nk, so aku terpaksalah ajak orang lain. Maybe Maira, or anyone else? :) Even angah's first choice, Adam. haha. Suddenly angah bagi suggestion sruh dia ikut. Aku pun susah nak percaya time tu. Tkdelah aku cakap direct time tu juga, dua tiga hari lepas tu aku tanya. Hm tadi ah. Jawapan dia, awal sngt nk jumpa. For me, it is the chance for us to meet. Lepas ni kita tk tahu ape terjadi. Umi dah allow me keluar ngn dia. And angah pun dah sruh. what else? haha happy ah aku time tu. Tapi dia tk nk. hihi. Tkpe ah, cari orang lain :p hihi.

Aku tengok mcm dia byk berubah. Aku risau dia berubah hati dia sekali. And kalau dia start hating me, aku kena redha and rela lepaskan dia bebas pilih sape dia nak. Me, always be ready to get hurt. ;) haha. Aku byk sngt think negative since dia mcm ni. Jarang contact, jarang tnye khabar berita. And aku pun mula kena cocok -.- haih. Tu lah, mcm lalang ditiup angin. Mana angin tiup, tersengetlah ;p hahahaha. sorry tk reti bermadah helah ;p People around me is so care about me. Even diorg bagi push push pedas punya ayat, aku still relax, senyum and terima. haha aku tahu. Dah biasa sngt ah. Dulu dgn sky pun sama. hahaha :p serious, angah yang kecoh gila bila dpt tahu aku kena tipu. hahaha. Dia start benci budak mcm tu. And tk kasi aku lebih dari kawan :p but aku buat juga. hahah :p

I may look young to get hurt, I know. I really know and understand how much my mum cares about me. Sometimes setiap kali dia bagi nasihat jangan lebih dari tu, aku rasa bersalah sngt. I don't know why. But aku tahu tu semua takdir kan? Takdir temukan aku dgn Adam, temukan aku dgn kisah kisah lama tu. Haih, I should stop about my past in my blog. :) Kan? Hihi. Okay dah. Forget about Adam for a while and focus on your life, Eyka! Get up!! Next year PMR. Huishh, umi byk kali tnya bila nak tuisyen, bila nak beli barang sekolah, bila nak beli buku sekolah.. OMG, everything about SCHOOL!! :( Lol. Maira pun tanya benda yang sama. Dia nak shopping sama sama. But tk biasa ah. selalunya umi abah yang belikan :B hihi. But sometimes, bila teringt balik kenangan sekolah, rasa mcm ehhh cepat ahh buka skolah. Hihi rindu sngt nak intai crush kt skolah. hahaha tu dlu. Time ada crush :p hihi. And rindu nak balingbaling kertas kt tingkap, campak kt keling. Hihi :B nakal en? haha rindu nak kena marah. hahahaha. Rindu nak kena denda. Kena lari satu padangg. OMG. hahaha. time tu kawad putri Islam. Seriously, rasa mcm excited pula nak sekolah pagi tahun depan. Haih kena bangun awal!! Selalunya sekolah petang, so bangun pun pkul 11, 12 :p tu pun umi kejutkan. Haha kalau umi tk kejut, mau pergi sekolah pkul 1 :p hihi. Haih, sekolah memang best. Lagilagi dgn cikgu yang sporting, kawan yang gilagila. But study je ah, mostly cikgu semua nak straight! Urgh! Semua garang. Tapi ada gak cikgu yang baik baik :D hihi. Rinduu kt cikgu :'( hihi tkpe. Lagi dua minggu nak buka sekolah :D hihi. oh yea I gotta go. ;) Bye :* x

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I will be there for waiting for you to came back.

Heyy there. Jarang eh update sekrang? Hm tulah. Malas sebenarnya :p hihi. Tkde mood nak update. Tkde feel :) haha. Hm anyway tittle for today agak emo lah :/ yes I am. last night, yesterday memang malang. Hm, dear bad news, I really really hate you. Sincerely aku yang sengsara :') Hahaha :P nak tahu apa bad news nya? Hm, Adam. Yes Adam. Adam is gonna leave me this January :') Actually aku tk tahu mulamula. Dia tk ready yet nak bgtahu aku. Tapi dia bgtahu Ayie dlu. Aku ada nmpk dia ckp kt twitter, dia mention Ayie and ckp "ada something nak ckp", tp dia tk ckp kt twitter. That's the reason why I keep wondering. apa dia nak buat ni? time tu 2 december. kelmarin. time tu malam. Aku diam jelah. tk nk tnye dia time tu gak. Tunggulah masa yg sesuai. Then malam tu aku desak ayie bgtahu ape benda. Ayie ckp tk ley, sbb dah janji. Oh okay but aku degil nak tahu juga, paksa ayie bgtahu. Ayie still buat tk taw and still simpan rahsia. Then esoknya, (3 dec) aku tnye Adam. Dia pun tk nk bgtaw. Dia ckp tkde pape. But hati aku still geram and nak tahu juga. Aku paksa dia. I know I am not supposed to do that way. Forcing people >.< tu yg aku tk sukaa ;/ Tapi entahlah. smpai aku merajuk. and then dia terus ckp yang dia continue his studies kt Egypt. Well I guesslah. tk ingt >.< haih. Then aku terdiam, speechless. tk tahu nak buat apa. rasa bersalah paksa dia cakap. Then dia ckp dia kena off. Okay, then aku naik atas aku masuk bilik umi. Duduk, lepak atas katil umi. Bolehlah lepak sbb umi and abah pergi Jakarta. So lepak, baring-baring. then aku ternangis. haha :p ternangis. suddenly, air mata mengalir. Aku sedih dia nak pergi tingglkn aku. Dah ckuplah jauh aku ngn dia, tapi Allah pisahkan lagi kitaorg. Luar negara tu :( Hm. aku bangga, memang bangga. sedih dia tingglkn aku, memang sedih tk terhingga. Tapi nak buat mcm mana kan? Redha jelah. Dia text aku time aku nangis tu. Dia tnye aku okay ke tak. But i'm just lied to him. I'm fine. tp aku rasa dia tahu aku tk okay time tu. I'm just pretend depan dia, aku gelakgelak dlm text. aku senyumsenyum. aku gurau-gurau dlm text. aku happy kalau dia happy. crying while texting with smile in it. Then sepanjang masa aku ingatkan dia. I'm almost fever, :o sakit kepala, and tkde selera nak makan. :O haih. :p teruk gila ar aku. but now I'm okay. Alhamdulillah :) aku doakan dia sentiasa happy kt sana, and don't ever forget me kt sini :') And aku doakan juga, harap dia tk sia-siakan penantian aku kt sini. Ecehhh :p jiwangg gila aku :p hahaha.

Last night text :) Haha. entah tk ingt apa kiteorg cakap -.- haha :p terharu bila dia ckp mcm tu :')) Hihi. Allah pandai uruskan masa aku. Uruskan waktu yg terbaik untuk aku. Well I mean, dlu Maira pernah ckp, "kau tkkan rasa kehilangan, kau tkkan rasa sunyi sbb Allah sentiasa berikan insan yg terbaik untuk kau.", maksud Maira, bila Maira tk sihat mcm ni, dah lama tk contact, phone Maira rosak and the reason tk dpt contact while this holiday, Allah temukan aku dgn Adam. for not being alone. And Adam pergi belajar luar negara, 3 January. Time tu dah buka sekolah. And time tu spending the gold time with friends. Maira, Diela and Fara. Allah tkkan biarkan aku keseorangan :') Thanks to Him. Bersyukur sngt ;'D heee~ anyway I won't give up in this life. ;')

Awww, this so sweet kan? ;'D haha. I swear I will wait for you. xx

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